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Never Been Happy
02/16/2013

I've never been happy with my body. Ever since I was a young boy I've been a little chubby, never obese but always a little chubby.

I was occasionally called fat or "big" during school but not too often because there was always someone bigger than me. When I was a teenager I would occasionally wear a shirt in the pool or at the beach because I wasn't comfortable with my belly. I was fairly active but the sweets, junk food, and unhealthy parents contributed to it all.

 


From around the age of 19-21 I was around 200lbs give or take a few pounds. At 23 I started biking 6 miles to work 5 days a week and even though it helped my budget and quality of life, it didn't really change my body. About a year later I made a lifestyle choice. I stopped eating whatever I wanted and cut or or limited fried foods, full calorie desserts, mixed drinks/full calorie beers, and things covered in cheese or thick sauces. I eventually got down to my current weight of 175. I was now in the "normal" bracket of what my weight should be. I got a lot of compliments of people noticing a lost weight and people calling my skinny. I was happier and thought I looked better but I'm still not happy or confident with my body. I look down and see a little tummy and "man boobs", I still avoid any occasion where I would have to take off my shirt and blame my lack of a flat and/or muscular stomach with the fact that I've never been able to attract the beautiful skinny girls that I'm interested in. I do see the change in my weight from the 190s to the 170s in terms of the girls I'm able to occasionally attract and the comments I sometimes get on my body so in that way my confidence has definitely gone up some. When I share my thoughts on my body I usually get people tell me I'm crazy and tell me I have body image issues. Still I look at the magazines and celebrities that are considered hot, I see how far off I am from that, and I know I have good reasons to think that I'm still a little chubby. 

The point where I'm at is that I still avoid the worst foods the majority of the time but not always. The only way I'm going to get to my goal weight of 160, and the body I think I'll be happy with is if I start regularly working out (instead of just biking) and counting calories. I've tried both but can't stand it. So my struggle to accept my body or further change my lifestyle is the journey I'm still on.

28 yrs old
5'11"
175lbs
pant size (US): 33x30
shirt size: medium

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